The massage was very good - my undershirt was left on which was a little strange, but maybe they're trying to separate themselves from the pack, with the pack being the types of places that crossed your mind as you read the first two sentences of this post. Pervert.
Anyhow, the pressure was good and everything.. she kneaded under the shoulder blades and really knew how to work the 'ol glutes. I'm joking.. twas a solid, all-around massage though. Oh yeah.. and after a generous (relatively) tip of 100 baht, the total came to just 350 baht, or about $10. That's right -$10 for a one hour massage.
I suppose karma's a bitch, though I'm not certain that expression applies here.. as I then proceeded to spend at least two to three times that amount at the rate of $1.99/min whilst waiting on hold with an incompetent Expedia employee after learning via email that my flight back to Bangkok had been canceled.. just as I walked out of the massage parlor.
As you've likely seen in the news, Thailand is on the verge of a political revolution, protestors are marching in the streets, many government-related functions have been shut down, and Bangkok is at the center of it all. Awesome. It's 11am in Phuket, my tour meets in Bangkok at 6pm, and I may now be slated for a two-week stay in Phuket to take the place of my tour.. which wouldn't be the worst place in the world to be stuck in for two weeks, but it would wholly defeat the original purpose of this trip - the tour of Thailand/Laos/Cambodia.
I need to devote another paragraph to this Expedia employee, as I will be requesting a credit to my account for whatever that phone call cost, and then some. I was on hold for 90% of the call after he picked up, and he provided no information whatsoever about what the problem was. In fact, it took him at least 10 minutes to let me know the flight was even canceled - at $1.99/min, it cost me $19.99 to learn that information. He finally told me that Thai Airways wasn't responding to his queries, and if I wanted more information, I needed to go to the ticket counter at the airport.. which I would've done to begin with had I not received an email telling me to call the number and talk to this jackass. This guy was so bad that three minutes into the call, I asked to speak to a supervisor because he was taking forever to simply pull up my information.. and getting a supervisor on the phone took so long that I just told him to forget it, as my car to the airport was due to leave in just ten minutes and I needed answers, fast.. but I would not get them from him. This guy was useless, and I just hope they record their calls.. because I can't wait to have a conversation about this with someone at Expedia when I return stateside.
Back to crisis mode. I get into the cab and head towards the airport (this took only one hour versus the two hours on the way out.. kaboom) and the driver speaks good enough English. He asks me where I'm headed, and I tell him I'm supposed to go to Bangkok but my flight has been canceled and I'm not sure I'll make it there for my tour. He tells me that the mobs of protestors are shrinking down, and I shouldn't really have a major issue getting out to Bangkok on one flight or another. This is promising. He then gives me his business card just in case I get stranded and need to get back to my hotel. A photo of his card is attached to this post for your viewing pleasure.
I walk into the airport and look for a line for Thai Airways. I pass by some really.long lines for other carriers, but the lines for Thai Airways were short. In fact, I walk right up to a counter with NO line, at which point I realize that it was for business class only.. but never mind that - I'm a lucky guy and I'm having a lucky day, right? The gentleman at the desk tells me not to worry, I can check in right there. Kaboom. Perhaps my luck this day is taking a turn for the better. He then proceeds to tell me that my flight was their only Bangkok-bound flight to be canceled on the day. Maybe I'm not so lucky.. or AM I?! He quickly notifies me that he can get me onto the following flight which leaves just 25 minutes later.. AND he hooked me up with a window seat and I didn't even request one. MAH MAN! Crisis averted. Good thing I got that massage earlier. Update on the seating situation: I got the aisle, not the window.. but the two kind Thai gentlemen sitting in my row told me it was ok.. so I DID get the window after all.. AND there's USB power to charge my phone so I can continue writing this. BOY are things starting to turn around. I must've been so filled with excitement from my luck turning around that I sat in the wrong seat. In my defense, the previous section ended in F and it didn't seem like H could be the next seat over. Alas, I was mistaken.
Things run a bit more smoothly over at Phuket International Airport.. maybe even a little too smoothly. I went from the ticket counter to the gate in about 10 minutes, and that included a slight delay getting through security (more on that in a moment). I walked through their scanners with everything in my pockets, my belt on, my shoes on, etc. I wanted to see just how far I could take this lax-security-at-airports-in-Asia thing. As expected, the scanner beeps like crazy when I go through. The lady pats me down and asks me to show her the contents of one pocket only.. the one containing my earbuds and chapstick. That's it?! I feel like I could've really caused some trouble if I were a bad guy (I'm not despite what my Korean hat says.. Sorry Ed!). Suddenly I feel far less safe.. then again, I guess people tend not to care enough to mess around like that in southeast Asia, so the rules can be a bit less strict to save time.
After I got through the scanner, the security lady asked me if I had an insulin needle in my bag.. and I told her it was my Epipen. For those of you who know me well, you know that I absolutely needed to bring this Epipen with me, since eating something and going into some sort of allergic shock while in foreign lands would be CLASSIC Jeremy. So the lady asks me to take it out of my bag and then she walks maybe five feet away to make a call.
One thing I failed to mention earlier - in accordance with my super lax security initiative, I even left two full bottles of water from my hotel in my awesome new sub-$20 North Face knockoff backpack from Patong. They at least removed those from my bag before the Epipen business began, but they put them only a few inches from my already-scanned bags on the other side of the scanner.. and I was starting to get thirsty. So I kindly asked the other security lady, who wasn't on the phone, if I could have some of my water which they had literally just confiscated. No problem. She honestly didn't even care.. which makes me wonder why they even bothered to take them from my bag to begin with. So I take a good swig and put the bottle down next to my little backpack while the other lady comes back from her phone call about the Epipen. She writes down some information from my boarding pass. That's it. Hopefully on not on some international terrorist watch now because of this Epipen.
The much bigger situation at hand here is that MY bottle of water, which has already been confiscated, is now on my side of the conveyor belt, along with my awesome little back pack. Can I possibly smuggle a bottle of water into an airport? Our great grandparents would probably think that question sounds really stupid.. but these days, it seems like an impossible feat to accomplish.. until NOW. I muster up what little courage this task requires and put the bottle into my snack bag whilst the security lady writes my name on her pad for the international terrorist watch list. And yes, I bring a snack bag on planes. Then, I pick up my other bags and walk to my gate.
I F'N did it! I smuggled water into an airport! Now.. who among you can say the same? And they thought that Bilbo Baggins was a great burglar in The Hobbit. Pshhh! I'd like to see him try to smuggle a bottle of water into an airport.
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