Overnight train ride to Chiangmai, Thailand + Sang Som: Thai Whiskey or Rum? + Aye, Aye, Captain, Eric Clapton

To get from Bangkok to Chiangmai, Thailand, we were to take an overnight train with the locals for about 14 hours. Having never been on an overnight train, and especially not an overnight train through rural southeast Asia, I wasn't quite sure what to expect.. but it turned out to be a really fun experience.

The train starts out with people seated in twos, facing one another.. and much like on an airline, seats are numbered and assigned to each passenger. Since this is an overnight train, there are also fold-out bunk beds for each pair of seat mates, and it's really impressive how they turn things over between daytime and nighttime. Somewhat surprisingly, the beds aren't overly uncomfortable.. but if you're on the top bunk like I am, there are bright white lights across the ceiling of the train that, for some reason, never get turned off.. so I was able to use my neck pillow, which is normally reserved for flights, to wrap around my head and enable me to get a good night's sleep. The Sang Som probably didn't hurt either.. but more on that later.

My seating/bunk mate happened to be Aaron of South Africa, and there are a few things that are fairly funny about this. First and foremost, Aaron is an estimated 6' 8". This is an estimate only because even after 23 years, he's somehow never had to be measured.. not at the doctor, not to get a driver's license.. not for any reason - he legitimately does not know his height. The second thing is that Aaron does virtually the same type of work (same software languages) as I do, just in a different industry.. so we had plenty of painfully boring (to others) techy stuff to discuss during the ride.

The train did serve dinner, but we were forewarned that the quality of the local fare wasn't too great, so a number of us picked up a few things from 7/11 and KFC before we departed. Those who neglected to follow that advice were mostly disappointed by the food being served, so I'm glad we had something to eat beforehand. Also, it took about 2-3 hours after orders were placed before the food was actually served, and delay applied to our drink orders as well. They primarily served beer, but thankfully there were a few liquor options including some local Thai whiskey, called Sang Som.

When I ordered whiskey and coke from the waitress in our car (who we would grow quite close to over the duration of the journey), I wasn't given any pricing or detailed on information.. simply that I would receive whiskey and coke. Instead of a regular drink, what arrived was a fifth of something called Sang Som, which actually claimed to be "Special Rum" on the bottle instead of whiskey.. though our new waitress friend assured me that it was, in fact, whiskey. A bottle of whiskey and two bottles of coke - so it's going to be that kind of night, eh?

The Sang Som, known locally as a Thai Whiskey, has a really interesting flavor.. and I rather enjoy it - as of the time of this posting, it's now been my drink of choice in Thailand for the past three days. It's basically flavored like a whiskey, but it has a sweet finish much like a rum.. and it's pretty much the least expensive thing you can drink in Thailand outside of a bottle of water - the fifth of Sang Som cost just 300 baht, or about $10.. and individual drinks cost 60-70 baht, or about $2.

Once the night got going for our group on the train, the fun began. I nursed (as is tradition) about half of the bottle for most of the night and decided to share the rest with my peers. We played some card games.. kings was the main game.. and we started to have a ridiculous time, easily disturbing many of the other paying passengers on the train. Some were younger or even middle-aged and looking to party with us, but there were also a couple of older locals who wanted no part in our shenanigans whatsoever. For this reason, after 10pm, they open up something called the karaoke car.

One more note about our game of kings (which never actually got finished) - people were starting to get toasty by this point in the evening, and so a few funny rules were put into place. The best one was from our tall, South African friend, Aaron, who mandated that each sentence would need to be completed with the phrase, "Aye, Aye, Captain." As you can probably imagine, this got more than a little tedious, and each time someone slipped up, they had to drink. As the game raged on, FTT found it harder and harder to salute to the captain.. and one time it came out so mangled that it almost sounded like "Eric Clapton" instead of "Aye, Aye, Captain" - so when it was my turn to make a rule, Damon, one of our Aussie friends, recommended that we simply tack Eric Clapton onto the end of our already-stellar salute.. and thus, it was born: "Aye, Aye, Captain, Eric Clapton." This got so ridiculous after a few minutes and had us in stitches for a good half hour, and now it comes up at least a few times a day.. plus it's also the name of our WhatsApp group - so this thing has some legs.

Back to the karaoke car, as they refer to it. Calling it the karaoke car is quite misleading, as there is absolutely no karaoke done in this car.. but it is a party car, which would be a far more appropriate name for it. There is a bartender and servers with a number of tables and loud music playing.. with all of the retired folk sleeping just one car away. And so we went to the karaoke car for an hour or so before it closed for the night, had a few more drinks and laughs, and then called it a night ourselves.

Throughout the night, our bond with the waitress in our car became stronger and stronger with each drink order. We exchanged high fives, pounds, and good times the entire night.. even into the morning. One of the waitresses simply hated us, but this one loved us. Tamara, our group leader, had a rubber chicken that let out an absurd shriek whenever it was squeezed, and our waitress friend to part in that ridiculous madness with us all over the car as well. What a fun train ride it turned out to be.

We were woken up around 6 or 7am by our favorite waitress and arrived in Chiangmai around 8. We then headed towards our hotel and got cleaned up for The Changmai Buddhist Temple for a morning of sightseeing.

Oh, PS - the Beats Pill is almost certainly a knockoff - I spotted a typo on the printed cover.. but wow, they did a nice job otherwise.

My name is Jez

Jez, Jeza, or Jezdog.. these are my new nicknames from the Aussie girls on the tour. I voiced my displeasure citing the similarity to the name Jezebel, but it was too late - I now respond to Jez.

In Australia, nicknames are apparently commonly derived from shortened versions of a person's name + Z, as follows: Jer + Z = Jez. So.. Jez.

In harsh retaliation, I nicknamed them Ashton (Ashleigh), Taurus (Tori), and Lorenzo (Lauren). For now, we'll call it a draw.. but this is far from over.

Bangkok Grand Palace + Feeding the fish (double meaning!) + Surprise Couples' Massage

On this, the first full day of our tour, our first destination is the Grand Palace in Bangkok. The Palace, constructed in 1782, consists of the royal residence, the Royal Monastery of the Emerald Buddha, and several monuments and government offices. It was built for King Rama I as he ascended to the throne, as he apparently felt that his former royal grounds were no longer suitable for a king.


The structures, inside and out, were visually impressive - there's no other way to put it. The level of detail was incredible from floor to ceiling and included intricate multi-tiered roofing which was also lined with gold and detailed designs. In fact, most of what we saw was so impressive that I only used my dSLR camera for photos.. so I'll have to transfer some to my phone and post if I have time.


We did some light praying in the monastery and saw most of the grounds within about an hour or two, and then it was time to move on. But, how can I possibly forget how we arrived at the Palace site.. by ferry!

This wasn't your standard ferry from NJ to midtown or Red Hook to downtown.. it's taken by locals, who will gladly push their way in and through you if you give them the chance.. somewhat reminiscent of the 6 train going downtown in the AM rush hour. The challenge with this ferry is that when you board, you get onto the front platform and they immediately start reprimanding you for not moving quickly enough down the stairs and into the cabin below. The difficulty in this is simply that there isn't ample space down there for the number of passengers on the vessel, so your only recourse is to make some space with whatever means possible. And so people push and angle in any way they can, reminding me the most of that downtown 6, but with the pushing intensity kicked up a few notches. The difference is that there was really a certain charm to it actually, and instead of the aggression coming off as malicious, it feels authentic and acceptable as a staple part of this form of transport.


That said, our tour arranged for a private boat to take us to the next activity, which was to feed bread to some catfish along the river. Bread (for the fish) can be bought locally for 10 baht, or about 30 cents, but we were each provided with a couple of pieces for the feeding. We pull up along a dock where the waters are filled with catfish, and our guide begins to throw some bread in, explaining that the catfish with quickly congregate at any point on the surface of the water where bread is thrown, and that we could even pet their heads as they eat (but not their cheeks, which have sharp edges). Unfortunately, I wasn't able to reach the water from the boat.. but feed them, we did, and it was really cool to see them going nuts after all that bread. That was the first time fish would be fed on this day.


For the second fish feeding, instead of bread, they would feast on our feet. That's right - we fed our feet to the fish. I'm not sure exactly what kind of fish they were, though they were little, and this is a common practice of spas and massage parlors in these parts. The purpose is for these little suckers to remove the all dead skin from the foot.. and there were maybe 60-80 of them in a tank for two.. so roughly 15-20 available for each foot.


We were a bit skeptical to put our feet into the water with these little fishies, but we didn't walk all that way (all of two minutes) just to turn back. I'll start by saying that the sensation is extemely strange and hard to describe.. the best I can do is to say it feels like your feet are being tickled with a bit of added pressure. At some points, the intensity becomes too great and you have to wiggle your feet to shake the fish off. The fish (and also mosquitoes) simply love FTT (being nicnkamed Franco by the Aussie girls at this point).. and they swarm to his feet immediately. I put my feet in and they flocked in my direction, but his feet definitely maintained a larger following throughout.


Nothing about this experience was really unpleasant except for one slightly larger fish that was more silver in color - that one didn't play nicely.. instead of feeling funny, his/her nibbles were slightly uncomfortable. After about 15 minutes (or 15 seconds for Ashleigh), we remove our feet from the tank and wipe them dry.. and the result? I don't think the balls of my feet have ever been so soft.. so it was pretty incredible for simply allowing a bunch of little fish to nibble on them for 15 minutes. If you can withstand the tickling feeling better than Ashleigh, I would recommend.


Speaking of Ashleigh, quickly one of my besties on the trip, we had both been wanting to ride in a tuk tuk, a little open-air taxi that flies around the streets of southeast Asia at fairly high speeds, since neither of us had the opportunity to do so yet. So we bargain with a tuk tuk driver to take us around for ten minutes or so and show us some of Bangkok in the process - 100 baht (around $3) was the agreed upon price, but apparently we overpaid. Ouch.


The ride was really fun - the feeling from the open air is similar to that of a convertible, just with less wind - more like a nice breeze. Suspension on these things are almost nonexistent, so bumps are felt much more than in a modern car, but that almost makes it more fun. After the tuk tuk driver took some touristy photos of us, we were off to meet the rest of our crew to get some 60-minute Thai neck/back/shoulder massages.

The rest of the crew this time (FTT, Tori, Lauren) was already there, so we walked in and ordered the same as they did. Ash had some trouble getting her bills out so I covered her and said to just hit me back for the 300 baht ($10) a bit later. Let's just say this move may have caused a bit of confusion amongst the ranks of this massage parlor.


Ash and I are sitting in the waiting area and everyone gets called in for their massages except us, but we're okay with it as we have some fine conversation going around Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones, among other things. Finally they call us in - both of us - together. They walk us up to a room with two little mattresses sitting next to one another and ask us to lay down. At this point we're still not entirely sure what their grand plan is, but one of the masseuses asks Ash to lay down and starts getting to work on her. I sat there and twiddled my thumbs for a good ten minutes while she got worked on and we both had a good laugh at the situation, as we had only first met less than 24 hours prior. The light sound of drilling could be heard from street, and that made the setup even more romantic.


A moment later, a man walks in and asks me to take my shirt off. Ashleigh is still in her shorts and tee shirt, and I'm being asked to disrobe? Seems fair - but I'm not terribly interested in doing so for him, so I kindly ask him to send in a lady. A lady comes in a few minutes later and gives me a great deep tissue massage which left me limber and feeling great. Ashleigh was in some discomfort and did not enjoy the deep tissue aspect of it. Also.. strangely, my masseuse didn't ask me to remove my shirt as the man did before her. Hmm. All in all, it was a wonderful surprise couples' massage.

My ATM card is lost in The Chiangmai Buddhist Temple on tour day 3 of 14 (The Temple giveth, and the Tenple taketh away) + Thai cooking school! + Chiangmai Night Market

It's day 3 of 14 on the tour, and my ATM card (and 1800 baht, or about $50) is officially gone. I can no longer access my bank accounts or take out cash of any currency. I have about $500 USD remaining, about $100 of which needs to go towards visas for Laos/Cambodia and optional activities which I'm not willing to pass up. Luckily, Frank the Tank (FTT) will now become Frank the Bank (FTB), and the two acronyms can be used interchangeably. I will likely need to hit Frank up in Laos, at which point I'll paypal him and he'll dish me some cash from the ATM. All in all, it's a bit of a pain and an inconvenience, but not the end of the world. So here's how it happened..

Our trip for the daytime was to visit the Buddhist Temple in Chiangmai, Thailand. It was much different than the Grand Palace in Bangkok as it was really a place dedicated to prayer, and not a center for government, being a Buddhist Temple and all. What it did have in common with the Grand Palace was its tendency to finish structures in gold, which is always very impressive.

When you walk up to the main area of the temple, you take your shoes off (as with many places in these parts, even secular ones) and walk in. It's essentially a square with small temples filled with monks and Buddhas around the outside and an inner square lined with statues and a large religious beacon in the middle.

As with most landmarks with religious affiliations in southeast Asia, shoulders and legs must be covered.. so the standard uniform is a shirt and some elephant pants (light pants covered with elephants and crazy designs/colors) or another form of loose, light pants. I happened to have an old, light pair of khakis that work perfectly for a situation like this.. with the only issue being that the pockets on these pants are also a bit loose.. but more on that in a moment.

On the long stairway up to the temple, Frank and I decided to sprint up to get some exercise, since it'd been a little hard to get some in thus far on the trip. This is the first point during which my ATM card and cash might've flown out, as we sprinted up a pretty long flight of steps fairly ferociously.

Once on the main level of the temple, we began visiting the rooms of prayer with the monks and Buddhas. Upon walking into these rooms, one must kneel down and lean forward whilst praying, and the monk says a prayer aloud and sprinkles water on the group. I don't believe I prayed for my ATM card and cash to disappear, but this is the second possibility that could have easily led to it falling out, during the kneeling portion of the prayer. Regardless, after the praying and water sprinkling, we scooted closely up  to the monk using our knees (so as not to stand), one by one, to receive our string bracelet which was to bring us good luck. Hopefully the loss of cash and my only form of withdrawing funds was just my way of getting rid of any remaining bad luck in my system to make room for all the good luck to come.. so we'll see how that works out. That said, this little string bracelet has a special significance, as it was tied on by a monk after a prayer, which I took very seriously. The idea is to leave the bracelet on for a minimum of three days, or until it falls off naturally.. and I will choose to do the latter since I really do like it a lot.

After the praying and bracelet reception, we walked around the square to admire some of the beautiful statues and learn a little about their significance. One row of statues around the inner square was to represent each day of the week, where the day on which a person is born will dictate which statue and color the person is connected to in Buddhist lore. I was born in the early-morning hours of the day after Thanksgiving in 1980.. so 12:23am on Saturday, November 29th was my date and time of birth. The important part here is the Saturday - most of the significance around these statues is around which famous kings and royal or religious figures in history were born on that day. Also, the color that represents Saturday is purple, so perhaps I should start wearing more purple.

Next, we decide to walk around the inner circle, which is essentially like doing laps around this beautiful stone/gold-lined track that surrounds this religious beacon of sorts. Someone along the line mentioned that to walk around this structure three times in prayer would bring us much good luck. Sounds good - let's keep stocking up all of this good luck for the bank so it's available when needed.

A quick sidenote - the landscape of cliques within the group has shifted to something reminiscent of high school, with the six guys mostly doing things together and the 12 girls split into a few smaller groups doing the same. FTB and I now mostly hang out with Nick and Damon, two solid Aussie bros.. and the four of us start to walk around this religious beacon.

As we start walking, we see a small group of girls and ask them to confirm that we need to walk around three times since we weren't sure. Jas, an Aussie girl on our trip, quickly responds that it's three times for girls, but six for guys.. so we take her at her word and get our walk on.

Just to set the scene here.. it's hot - probably 80-85. Also, we're wearing long pants due to the knee-covering requirements, plus we're carrying some of our bags and cameras. Walking around this inner square takes 3+ minutes per lap, so now we're talking 20 minutes for this walking expedition.

As we finish about 20+ minutes later, we run into Jas and a few of the girls and tell them how we've just completed the grueling trek around the temple.. but it took forever, we lost count, and we also lost Nick somewhere along the way.. but we're pretty sure we got all six laps in, as Damon was keeping a count as we walked. She then asks us why we went around six times when we only needed to go around thrice: "You thought I was serious about guys going around six times?" Man.. she got us good. That's a page right out of my book. Well played, Jas.

We finally find Nick, and he's exhausted and hot like the rest of us.. but he wouldn't find out about the prank until a few nights later. The hope is that by going around six times instead of the obligatory three, that we've now doubled our luck intake.. so let's just keep stacking up luck and see where it takes us.

At this point, we're all pretty hot and thirsty, so we waltz over to a little outdoor seating area that had some drinks and such. On the way over, there are a couple of nice buildings and statues to take photos of, but those all played second fiddle to the real gem of this excision - the monk standing outside of the monastery, talking on his mobile phone. Now.. I don't know the exact details on the rules around this, but I'm fairly certain that speaking, in general, is not on the table if you're a proper monk. Perhaps as times have changed with technology, so, too, have they changed for religious figures like monks.. but I'm not so sure about that.

Regardless, this would mark the third, and in my opinion, most likely scenario in which my cash and ATM card could have fallen out. Once I saw this incredible shot, I had to take a photo.. and fast. Since my big boy camera was stowed away in its bag for the moment, I needed to grab my own cell phone from my pocket to snap a few shots. I did catch a shot or two of this incredible site.. The problem here is that I had been keeping the rubbebanded cash/ATM card convo tucked away in the same pocket of these loose pants.. so when I pulled the phone out to take a photo, my guess is that my cash and card simply came out with it..  but at least I got the shot, right?

So we have a trip to a Buddhist temple during which there were three good possibilities of my cash and ATM card falling out of my pocket.. but we'll never truly know what happened that fateful day. What we do know, however, is that the Chiangmai Buddhist Temple giveth, and the Chiangmai Buddhist Temple taketh away. I received a very special string bracelet from a monk, and I should've accrued so much good luck during the numerous religious rituals, that it seems like $50 and an ATM card is a relatively small price to pay.

The next activity on this day is one that I was very much looking forward to as soon as I read the itinerary - Thai cooking class! First, we go to meet the teacher of the class in the local street markets of Chiangmai to learn about some of the local fare, and in particular, some of the items we'll be using in our dinners for later. The teacher was just great.. he was so informative and knowledgeable about all of the items he showed us.. where they come from, what they're typically used for, etc.. and he threw in a joke about lady boys about once every five or ten minutes.. and that's always a crowd pleader in these parts.

After learning about the local markets and foods, it's time to head out to his house/cooking school. It's a perfect setup for a cooking class, or any class for that matter - basically a horseshoe of tables/pots+pans+utensils/stoves, all of which surrounded the teacher of the class, as he faces us so he can easily show us what to do. We each have our own stove and cooking utensils (plus a cooking book with Thai recipes), so there's no collaborating for this class - everyone's dinner's fate lies in their own hands and the ability of those hands to cook it.

As I've already mentioned.. the teacher is just great. He describes everything we need to do very clearly, and step by step, so it really isn't difficult to make any of the items on our menu at all. Speaking of the menu, we have Tom Yum soup (I chose chicken over shrimp) to start, followed by Panaang Curry with chicken, Pad Thai wrapped in egg, Thai Chicken with cashews and vegetables, and mangoes and sticky rice to finish off for dessert. Everything is to be made from scratch by us except the sticky rice, which takes hours of preparation to make.. so our rice is already sticky to begin with.

Simply put.. the food was fng awesome. Three days later, I still can't believe how good it was. Surprisingly, my two favorite items were items that I was trying for the first time - Panaang Curry with chicken and mangoes with sticky rice.. just phenomenal. Now I'm excited to try these items back in the city.. so hopefully I won't be too disappointed.

To finish the day off, we went to the Chiangmai night markets unwind. Night markets in southeast asia remind me somewhat of the Grand Bizarre in Istanbul or even some of the street fairs down the alleyways in Seoul. These markets mostly consist of locals and stands selling anything from local food to souvenirs, and bargaining is most certainly on the table. So.. fun.

A bunch of us met up at the markets and did a little shopping for souvenirs and snacks.. and then we went to a local pub for some drinks and pool. This ended up being a low key type of night, which was much needed at the pace we'd been going.

Bangkok arrival with mere minutes to spare + Meeting the tour group + A ping pong show: The ice breaker of all ice breakers

If you've read the post about my fun times heading back to Bangkok to join my tour, you'll recall that my departure time essentially got pushed back about 25 minutes. In fact, when I was purchasing these tickets online, I was deliberating between my original flight which departed at 1:55pm and the next flight which departed at 2:25, and I chose the earlier flight since I felt the later one was cutting it too close. Welp.. I was moved to the later one anyhow and I was about to find out just how close I could cut it. Luckily the tour group wasn't leaving Bangkok till the following day, so I was in no real danger of missing the tour at this point, but there is a lot that happens at the very beginning of a tour in terms of instructions and introductions that it'd be best not to miss for a number of reasons.

I pull into the gate at Bangkok's international airport, BKK, from my 2:25 departure around 3:45.. and I don't have to meet my tour until 6. So far, so good.

I remember Tapan telling me that BKK was massive, but until the next few moments, I didn't have much of an idea as to how huge this behemoth of an airport was. We proceeded to hop onto a shuttle bus to our arrival gate.. and 20!! minutes later, we get to the gate. Wow.. that was a long ride - almost makes you wonder if we could've pulled in a little closer with the plane.. but at this point, it's just past 4pm, and I'm still doing OK. That is, until it took 45!!! minutes for our bags to come out and for me to receive my checked bag.

I find the taxi line and now it's almost 5pm, and the tour meets at the Viengtai Hotel in Bangkok at 6. I ask the friendly taxi driver how long the ride will be, and he said 40-50 minutes. Great. Luckily, we mostly cruised and I got the street my hotel was on by 5:40.. the only problem was that the cab couldn't drive onto this street, so I had to walk the rest of the unknown distance to the hotel... that, and I had the option to go right or left on this street. I ask the cab driver where the Viengtai Hotel is - to the right or left, and he casually points to the right.. but I'm not really convinced with his response, so I ask again. He comes back with the same uninspiring response, and this time I question his honor - "are you sure it's not that way?" He then insists that the hotel is to the right, and not the left, but something still seems off about his reaction. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, but I'm now less than 20 minutes from needing to meet my tour group, and I have a non-insignificant amount of luggage that needs to be ported to my destination. So I get out and reluctantly take his word for it, walking towards the right down the street. Hmm.

I walk for maybe 5 minutes lugging my bags along with me in the 85-degree Bangkok heat until I begin to get concerned with my timing and choice of direction on the street. I ask a few street vendors where the Viengtai Hotel is, but they're not having it. They're out there selling shirts with elephants on them and bizarre-looking street meat in this blistering heat - they don't give a sheeeeit where my hotel is. Finally, I spot a well dressed fellow who appears to be the host at a restaurant on the street, so I ask him where my hotel is. As is expected by now, he tells me that I have to go all the way back and cross the main road, and continue in the other direction on this street for a short while. But why, oh why.. was this fng cab driver so insistent that I walk the wrong direction? I tipped him 20% for the ride! Maybe some of the local folk just don't take too kindly to westerners.

So I press on, and arrive at my hotel with just a few moments to spare. At this point I've had enough stress and close calls for one day, and I still have yet to meet my new roommate or my tour group. Fingers crossed. Or, as an Aussie girl in my group would say.. fingies crossed. I'm going into this experience very open-minded.. I just don't want a crazy, annoying, or smelly roommate. So they bring me up to my room and I meet my new roomy, Mr. Liao. His first name isn't really Frank as I can see from the sheet the bellhop is holding, but he introduces himself as such regardless. Seems like a nice, normal guy. Frank the tank. Phew.

It turns out that he's 26 and used to work in private equity in Toronto before quitting recently to travel for a few months and hit the reset button.. so not only does he seem nice and normal, but we actually have a few things in common. FRANK. THE. TANK.

At this point it's 5:59, so we go down to meet the group. Of course, the group is not meeting where the concierge assured me they would be meeting, as the service workers in Bangkok are all pathological liars. So we find the room in which the group IS meeting and proceed to walk in.

My first impression was good one - it was about ten people aside from FTT (Frank the Tank) and myself, and we're the only guys so far. A few more people trickle in as we wait to get started, and the final tally is 18.. 6 guys and 12 girls (just like Geneseo) plus the tour group leader, who is also female, named Tamara. Also, as was the case with my Greece/Turkey tour, the group members are 75% Aussies.. which is actually fine since they're typically good folks and a lot of fun. Tamara, an Aussie, then tells us all about the tour, what we'll see, what to expect, etc. What a relief - she's very experienced at this (has done it for 2+ years and won awards as a tour leader), well-spoken, and seems very cool too.. and the rest of the group looks normal and cool as well.

Tamara tells us that for anyone interested, she'll be taking a group down the street for some dinner, and then she's arranged a tuk tuk (little open-air taxi, photo attached) to take interested folks to a ping pong show, a staple in these parts. More on that in a moment. With only 18 people plus the tour guide. At this point, my goal is to meet everyone and know all 18 names by tomorrow morning. And so we head to dinner.

There are a few restaurants on this street (Kombuttri Rd), and they all have a similar theme - huge menus with everything from local Thai fare to Lasagna to hot dogs and hamburgers. I get some glass noodles and pork satays, and the food was pretty good. I over-ordered, which was a good thing, since I used the extra satays to meet people at the table. There's one other American girl (Tiana) from Seattle, and we instantly make a vow to watch the Superbowl from Laos at 6:30am. Good start. There are two Swedes, three Canadians (including FTT), one South African, and the rest Aussies. Really cool group. Thank goodness. By the end of dinner, I'd met everyone save four or five people.

Onto the ping pong show. I'd heard about these types of shows before, and Tamara did give us a detailed warning, but nothing really prepares you for what you're about to see when walk in there. As a group of people who just met mere hours before, it's the best way to weed out the wet noodles and see who's going to be fun on the trip.. and also to see who can handle some of the most absurd things I've ever seen in person.

The bar is small and there's a stage in the middle. As we're walking in, there is a man and woman.. both nekked.. straight up having relations.. right on the stage. Strong start. As it would happen, that was the most normal thing we saw in the entire show. I can't repeat the rest of what I witnessed on here, but I'll be glad to tell tall tales of this evening in person.. just note that these tales will include ping pong balls, Christmas lights, and razor blades, among other items. Wow.

After the show, a few of us have another drink and some hookah outdoors at a restaurant on our street.. more good times, and we the head off to bed.

All in all, 'twas a fine day. I made my tour, and my roomy, the tour guide, and the whole group seems very cool. Now I'm relaxed and excited for our tour. Thank goodness.

60 Minutes of bliss followed immediately by the complete opposite of bliss + Phuket doesn't like Epipens + I've done the IMPOSSIBLE

On my final morning in Phuket, I decided to go for a Thai massage a few doors down from my hotel. Massage parlors (legitimate ones - please remove head from gutter) are located roughly every 5 feet or so in Phuket, so this was a logical way to get into full relaxation mode before my departure to join the tour in Bangkok. This goal was a achieved, though unfortunately I was only able to remain in full relaxation mode for about 30 seconds after the end of the massage, as it was followed immediately by a transition into full crisis mode, which can be best described as the polar opposite of full relaxation mode.. thus negative my efforts to get into full relaxation mode in the first place.. but more on that in a moment.

The massage was very good - my undershirt was left on which was a little strange, but maybe they're trying to separate themselves from the pack, with the pack being the types of places that crossed your mind as you read the first two sentences of this post. Pervert.

Anyhow, the pressure was good and everything.. she kneaded under the shoulder blades and really knew how to work the 'ol glutes. I'm joking.. twas a solid, all-around massage though. Oh yeah.. and after a generous (relatively) tip of 100 baht, the total came to just 350 baht, or about $10. That's right -$10 for a one hour massage.

I suppose karma's a bitch, though I'm not certain that expression applies here.. as I then proceeded to spend at least two to three times that amount at the rate of $1.99/min whilst waiting on hold with an incompetent Expedia employee after learning via email that my flight back to Bangkok had been canceled.. just as I walked out of the massage parlor.

As you've likely seen in the news, Thailand is on the verge of a political revolution, protestors are marching in the streets, many government-related functions have been shut down, and Bangkok is at the center of it all. Awesome. It's 11am in Phuket, my tour meets in Bangkok at 6pm, and I may now be slated for a two-week stay in Phuket to take the place of my tour.. which wouldn't be the worst place in the world to be stuck in for two weeks, but it would wholly defeat the original purpose of this trip - the tour of Thailand/Laos/Cambodia.

I need to devote another paragraph to this Expedia employee, as I will be requesting a credit to my account for whatever that phone call cost, and then some. I was on hold for 90% of the call after he picked up, and he provided no information whatsoever about what the problem was. In fact, it took him at least 10 minutes to let me know the flight was even canceled - at $1.99/min, it cost me $19.99 to learn that information. He finally told me that Thai Airways wasn't responding to his queries, and if I wanted more information, I needed to go to the ticket counter at the airport.. which I would've done to begin with had I not received an email telling me to call the number and talk to this jackass. This guy was so bad that three minutes into the call, I asked to speak to a supervisor because he was taking forever to simply pull up my information.. and getting a supervisor on the phone took so long that I just told him to forget it, as my car to the airport was due to leave in just ten minutes and I needed answers, fast.. but I would not get them from him. This guy was useless, and I just hope they record their calls.. because I can't wait to have a conversation about this with someone at Expedia when I return stateside.

Back to crisis mode. I get into the cab and head towards the airport (this took only one hour versus the two hours on the way out.. kaboom) and the driver speaks good enough English. He asks me where I'm headed, and I tell him I'm supposed to go to Bangkok but my flight has been canceled and I'm not sure I'll make it there for my tour. He tells me that the mobs of protestors are shrinking down, and I shouldn't really have a major issue getting out to Bangkok on one flight or another. This is promising. He then gives me his business card just in case I get stranded and need to get back to my hotel. A photo of his card is attached to this post for your viewing pleasure.

I walk into the airport and look for a line for Thai Airways. I pass by some really.long lines for other carriers, but the lines for Thai Airways were short. In fact, I walk right up to a counter with NO line, at which point I realize that it was for business class only.. but never mind that - I'm a lucky guy and I'm having a lucky day, right? The gentleman at the desk tells me not to worry, I can check in right there. Kaboom. Perhaps my luck this day is taking a turn for the better. He then proceeds to tell me that my flight was their only Bangkok-bound flight to be canceled on the day. Maybe I'm not so lucky.. or AM I?! He quickly notifies me that he can get me onto the following flight which leaves just 25 minutes later.. AND he hooked me up with a window seat and I didn't even request one. MAH MAN! Crisis averted. Good thing I got that massage earlier. Update on the seating situation: I got the aisle, not the window.. but the two kind Thai gentlemen sitting in my row told me it was ok.. so I DID get the window after all.. AND there's USB power to charge my phone so I can continue writing this. BOY are things starting to turn around. I must've been so filled with excitement from my luck turning around that I sat in the wrong seat. In my defense, the previous section ended in F and it didn't seem like H could be the next seat over. Alas, I was mistaken.

Things run a bit more smoothly over at Phuket International Airport.. maybe even a little too smoothly. I went from the ticket counter to the gate in about 10 minutes, and that included a slight delay getting through security (more on that in a moment). I walked through their scanners with everything in my pockets, my belt on, my shoes on, etc. I wanted to see just how far I could take this lax-security-at-airports-in-Asia thing. As expected, the scanner beeps like crazy when I go through. The lady pats me down and asks me to show her the contents of one pocket only.. the one containing my earbuds and chapstick. That's it?! I feel like I could've really caused some trouble if I were a bad guy (I'm not despite what my Korean hat says.. Sorry Ed!). Suddenly I feel far less safe.. then again, I guess people tend not to care enough to mess around like that in southeast Asia, so the rules can be a bit less strict to save time.

After I got through the scanner, the security lady asked me if I had an insulin needle in my bag.. and I told her it was my Epipen. For those of you who know me well, you know that I absolutely needed to bring this Epipen with me, since eating something and going into some sort of allergic shock while in foreign lands would be CLASSIC Jeremy. So the lady asks me to take it out of my bag and then she walks maybe five feet away to make a call.

One thing I failed to mention earlier - in accordance with my super lax security initiative, I even left two full bottles of water from my hotel in my awesome new sub-$20 North Face knockoff backpack from Patong. They at least removed those from my bag before the Epipen business began, but they put them only a few inches from my already-scanned bags on the other side of the scanner.. and I was starting to get thirsty. So I kindly asked the other security lady, who wasn't on the phone, if I could have some of my water which they had literally just confiscated. No problem. She honestly didn't even care.. which makes me wonder why they even bothered to take them from my bag to begin with. So I take a good swig and put the bottle down next to my little backpack while the other lady comes back from her phone call about the Epipen. She writes down some information from my boarding pass. That's it. Hopefully on not on some international terrorist watch now because of this Epipen.

The much bigger situation at hand here is that MY bottle of water, which has already been confiscated, is now on my side of the conveyor belt, along with my awesome little back pack. Can I possibly smuggle a bottle of water into an airport? Our great grandparents would probably think that question sounds really stupid.. but these days, it seems like an impossible feat to accomplish.. until NOW. I muster up what little courage this task requires and put the bottle into my snack bag whilst the security lady writes my name on her pad for the international terrorist watch list. And yes, I bring a snack bag on planes. Then, I pick up my other bags and walk to my gate.

I F'N did it! I smuggled water into an airport! Now.. who among you can say the same? And they thought that Bilbo Baggins was a great burglar in The Hobbit. Pshhh! I'd like to see him try to smuggle a bottle of water into an airport.

I thought I could stay away from the custom tailoring shops..

.. and then I realized that I was lying to myself. Not even a little white lie - a blatant lie. I did need a nice black custom suit and some new custom shirts though, I suppose. I mean it's less than half of the cost for the same thing in NYC, and that includes the shipping cost - what on earth was I supposed to do? One of the nicest tailoring shops in town was on my street, not 50 feet from my hotel.. and I had to walk past it every time I went out or came in. That's not even a fair fight. ugh.

On an unrelated note.. I figured out how to lighten up some really dark photos on my phone using the stock filters - so here's one of me in the Korean restaurant at N Seoul Tower. Enjoy.

Dinner at 76 Bar (Nap Hotel)

Best. Satays. Eva.

Best. Pad Se Yew. Eva.

Best. Ice Cream. Eva.

Either I'm just ravenous (which I am), or this food is seriously awesome.. or a combination thereof.

I normally don't indulge with lactose-y things like ice cream, but this Mõvenpick Caramellita ice cream is ridiculous. Real bits of caramel inside. Wow.

Bravo, 76 Bar.. bravo!

Kaboom = Thank you!!!

Whilst picking up my cleaned clothes this morning, I chatted with the laundry lady across the street who assured me that Bangkok would be safe for my arrival tomorrow despite the continued political unrest.. so that's a plus. Also, and much more importantly.. when I thanked her and asked her how to say Thank you in Thai, she said kob kun, which if you've read any of my previous posts, sounds a whole lot like kaboom.  KABOOM! Curiosity wins! Flawless victory. Animality.

The mystery of the Phuket aroma = solved + What ISN'T a knockoff here? + My solemn vow to make it past 10pm in Phuket just once vs. the Election shutdown

I enjoyed my exploratory run through Patong Beach so much yesterday that I wanted to run it back (pun intended) this morning and take a different route to explore more of the town. I went out a little earlier today since I woke up at 6 again (more on that later) so the heat wasn't as much of a factor - but it was still almost 80, so not a complete reprieve from Thailand's hot hot heat.

The run was good again, but my pace was a little slower as I felt a bit weighed down by the chicken Pad Thai and papaya salad I consumed the night before via room service (more on this later too). As I ran along, I saw a few things worth noting.

First, there's no shortage of four familiar chain establishments in town: 7/11, McDonald's, Subway, and Starbucks. 7/11 has by far the most locations, and in some cases there are two or three on one block. All in the name of convenience I suppose.. and some of them are small - like NYC studio-size small. Next in line is McDonald's, where there are also sometimes multiple locations of various sizes on one block. Really though? Is that necessary? I digress.

Second, YOU don't have the right of way here - everyone else does. This is a slight continuation from my previous note on the absence of traffic signals (and seemingly most law-related statutes in general). One might think that if someone
is jogging along the sidewalk, pedestrians would yield the right of way.. or at least move over two feet and let the runner pass by.. and one would be wrong. These people weren't even bracing for a collision - it reminded me of how I act whilst crossing a street in NYC when a cab is turning onto it - I disregard its existence and then continue on with my day, thinking "this cab won't hit me - he'll wait until I cross and then finish his turn." The thought is that my walking in front of his car will prevent him from continuing forward. This line of thinking isn't completely flawed as pedestrians do legally have the right of way.. except in my initial example, we're BOTH pedestrians. W T F?

You're walking leisurely, and I'm running. I have a pace, and if we collide, I'm far less likely to be hurt or get knocked down due to my momentum advantage. So why in the world wouldn't you move?!?! I'll tell you why - because you're lazy, and you ASSume that because I'm running, I'm at least slightly less lazy, and I'll yield to you. And you're right. If we did collide though.. whose fault would that even be? Unsurprisingly, I have an answer - it would be my fault. as I believe I decoded the unwritten rules of the road here (since there are clearly no written rules to speak of). Just as with a person and a car in NY, the person or vehicle of greater size and/or momentum must yield to the vehicle or person of lesser size or momentum. That's it! I realize that this may get dicey if you have a small person/vehicle moving with a lot of momentum and a larger vehicle/person moving with lesser momentum.. but give me a break here - I've been writing traffic laws for all of 30 seconds. So using this new law, I have greater momentum, so I yield to the lazy fng pedestrians who are barely paying attention. Fine.

A more egregious example of this traffic-related injustice is when you're jogging and trying to cross the street (remember, no signals so you have to be very aggressive).. and one of the eighty million motor bikes (I counted) riding around wants to turn in front of you. According to the new traffic law I just wrote up, a motor bike is bigger than a person, and thus they must yield to me. Right? Wrong. They try to dart out into the road right in front of you, very dangerously, preventing you from going anywhere. The streets are hard enough to cross no matter what you're doing.. walking, running, riding a bike, driving.. so it becomes a free-for-all. If you think you can make it, then GO! Move now and ask questions later.. or never. Just go. Maybe my new traffic law needs to be amended.. or just thrown out altogether.

During my run I also spotted a hotel with a really great name.. very indirect and vague.. called SleepWithMe Hotel. Nice.

Last night I noticed my fancy new Beats Pill looks SO legitimate.. but it must be a knockoff for the price I paid. That said, when you turn it on, it does make the disturbingly loud startup sound that can't be adjusted. This loud sequences of notes could wake an entire household out of a deep sleep without a problem.. and the sound quality could probably be better.. so maybe that's where the knockoff comes into play. But that begs the question - what ISN'T a knockoff here? Is the sweet little North Face backpack a knockoff? .. what about my Nike bathing suit? .. and the Mercedes Benz outside my hotel? Just where does this deception end?!!? Or.. is it at all possible that all this stuff is legit, but just really, really cheap? Who knows..

It's taken me some time to adjust to.. time. More specifically, from my first night in Korea, I've been falling asleep by 10-11 and waking up by 6. These are work-sleeping-hours.. but damnit, I'm on vacation. I haven't gone out beyond dinner for one night anywhere, and Bangla Road in Patong (where I'm staying) is supposed to be insane for a number of reasons. The previous night, I intended to go out.. except I passed out on the couch shortly after I began digesting that tasty Pad Thai. So tonight, I make a vow to stay up past 10pm and go out on the town.

During lazy beach day #2, a couple of middle-aged Australian bros strike up a conversation with me as we're all soaking up some rays (which I'm terrible at, btw - two full days on the beach and I'm barely tan.. maybe I should stop using SPF 30). They tell me some tall tales of debauchery between Sydney, Melbourne, and LA.. and give me some tips on how to navigate the madness that is Bangla Road. Now I'm excited.

Update: After the amazing meal at 76 Bar, I try to get a drink to bring up to my awesome and previously unused balcony. The bartender proceeds to tell me that they're not serving liquor on this night.. and it's not just them - no one in Thailand is serving liquor because of the election amidst the political crisis going on in the capital (where I am headed tomorrow). Well that sucks.. I guess I'll stroll out to Bangla Road completely sober.. right? Wrong. I make a comment jokingly.. "what are the bars on Bangla Road supposed to do if they can't serve alcohol?" The answer: Bangla Road is CLOSED. I'm in Phuket for two full nights and I won't even get to see the internationally renown Bangla Road. Oh well.. I probably would've just had my usual one or two drinks, struck up some boring conversation with a lady boy, and called it a night. That said.. down with the election and all the trouble it's causing! (this echoes the sentiments of the locals as well)

Tindering in Thailand: The Phuket Chronicles

Phuket is somewhat Tinderiffic, as they say. Is there any part of the free world where Tinder isn't used? I had no idea how much traction this app has gotten, both locally and abroad.. it's just really impressive, if nothing else. On a semi-related note, I've noticed that a large percentage of locals here smoke cigarettes, and there are no laws banning them from dining establishments and bars.. so that's kind of gross. Regardless.. kaboom.